I was reluctant to even start writing about this prompt. It’s a sensitive subject for me. Maybe it’s because I emote. I emote with feeling–with emotion. However, I’m not the only one who does it. Yet, there are many times when some of the people around me act as if I’m the only one that does. Sometimes, the people who most seem to go over the deep end about my emoting are the ones I’d just as soon avoid when something strikes them as significant.
The thing about my emotions is they are reactive. Something happens, I react, and then I move rather quickly into thinking mode. I come up with potential solutions or possibilities. I calm down. I don’t carry things with me for very long–at least, not in general. There is no one who wants to solve the dilemmas that brought about that emoting more than I do. I would prefer to have fewer feelings or to at least experience them less intensely.
I try to save the negative emoting for things that are important–people being disrespectful or demanding, for example. I am frustrated by people who call me emotional at the times when I am standing up for myself. Because the reality is, most of the time, I go along with things. I adjust, I adapt, I go with the flow. Sometimes, I do those things even after I’ve emoted a little about how I would appreciate some appreciation. Unfortunately, it seems the more I go with the flow, the more disrespect I encounter.
Not too many people complain about the positive emoting I do. Well, that’s not entirely true. People often appreciate my enthusiasm, my sense of humor, my optimistic attitude. But I think what the real “problem” is that I’m a little intense. When I’m enthusiastic, it’s contagious–usually. And if you feel like joining in, it takes a lot of energy. This isn’t always too much of a problem when the emoting is positive, but I think that maybe when it’s negative, some people are a little intimidated. Maybe, it’s a little scary. (Hopefully, not as scary as the photo on the right.)
Unfortunately, the times when I’m negatively emoting are the times when I most need people on my side. And well, you can imagine how well that goes. But after writing this post this morning, something happened this afternoon that kind of got me going. But I walked away. Totally. I mapped out how I would handle it. I emoted to myself. I didn’t bottle it up so much. I allowed myself to feel the things. I just didn’t share the feelings. And a moment came when I could let it go. I may not even emote to anyone else. I know that the person who triggered the feelings didn’t do it intentionally. By giving myself private emoting time, I came to a new discovery. Also, it helps knowing that this person always has my best interests at heart. Which is more than I can say about some of the other things that sometimes trigger my feelings.
Still, I’m trying to focus on the positive things, and bring all the feelings–the negative and the positive–into a better balance, to conserve my energy for the things that matter more than these moments of unexpected emoting.
This is part of a weekly prompt from: http://lindaghill.wordpress.com/2014/06/27/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-june-2814/