Time to Think about Time

Our Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “time.”

Lately, time and I have an uneasy relationship. I keep trying to plan it, manage it, rearrange the plans, and it just keeps on going, as if I don’t matter. When we are in synch, I feel productive, fulfilled, sometimes even invigorated or hopeful. But other times, I feel overwhelmed. Then I realize that it isn’t really time’s fault. It isn’t the fickle one, changing moods and priorities at every turn. Time is so consistent, annoyingly so sometimes. I want it to be a little more flexible, a little more willing to go with the flow. Enjoy the spontaneity of our relationship. But no, just the same old answer every time I ask: tick tock, tick tock, or some variation of it, with a few chimes or bird calls thrown in for good measure. How is one to maintain a good relationship with such limited conversational options?

Time knows me though. It knows that if it weren’t consistent, I’d complain about that. I’d be asking how am I supposed to get anything done when I can’t depend on you? Geez, Time, if you’re going to change the details of our relationship without giving me enough information, how can I trust you? Time just looks at me with a knowing half-smile. Damn, maybe I’m the one with the problem!

I guess, if the truth be told, I’m a little jealous of Time’s consistency. I think I’d like to be consistent–maybe not in a regimented way, but in a way that allows me to walk in better step with time. It would be nice not to be out of synch so often.

I keep trying things, dividing time into blocks, compartments that I can use to have at least small pieces of success with the way I use time. I try to play matchmaker between these time blocks and the tasks on my to-do list. Sometimes it works, but not consistently. So I try other ideas.

I know I need to get along with time, but some of my other regular companions don’t always play nice. Motivation is totally fickle, and I wish it would learn a few things from Time. But if I’m honest, the one that really messes things up pretty regular is Depression. It comes and drains all the Excitement and Vision from Motivation, snubs its nose at Time, and is totally comfortable with the misery it leave behind.

Therein lies my real problem with time, but I need to be careful not to use depression as a reason to give up on my other friends. They deserve more. Time, Motivation, Excitement, Vision, and Well-Being are the ones who make life worthwhile and who keep in touch with my human friends. Without them, Depression has a tendency to be a little possessive and get in the way of all my friendships.

Somewhere along the way, several years ago, I read something about making friends with Depression, or at least, don’t spend so much time actively resisting it. I’m not quite so sure how I feel about that, but I do know that ignoring it isn’t the way to go. Maybe Time and I will need to give a little, and at least help Depression feel a little less like an outcast. Maybe a listening ear is just is needed. It’s worth a try.

 

This post is part of SofCS: http://lindaghill.wordpress.com/2014/08/15/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-august-1614/

 

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20 comments on “Time to Think about Time

    • It was interesting how I was really trying to focus on time, and then reality hit that the real problem wasn’t time or even me, but other elements of my life that were a lot like the elephant in the room. So rather than not talk about it, I decided it was time. I guess it was the week for it.

  1. Deb, I love what you said and how you said it! Do you realize how motivational and inspirational this piece is? I believe Time gifted you by allowing this piece to evolve and come to life on paper. Even from the depth of depression, pulling raw emotions and sharing them…can serve others in ways you can’t imagine. Facing things, many things, different things…by sharing, you provide that moment for someone to recognize – they aren’t alone…nor are you. Huge hugs!

  2. I think this post is so fitting to many of us. Maybe not the same activities, but the same dilemma. I can remember being bored as a small child, I wonder why I didn’t take up quilting or writing at the age of six, lol!

    • As I’ve heard so many people say, sometimes youth is wasted on the young. 😉

      I was glad to find some clarity about realizing that it wasn’t really time that was the issue as much as coming to understand that there are issues in my life that need some attention in order for me to have a better sense of how to make time work. If that makes sense. I feel like I have a better handle on things. We’ll see. 🙂

  3. Pingback: Give Me S’More Time! | Container Chronicles

  4. Great piece Deb. I remember years ago watching The Julie Andrew Hour and Julie always finishing with the song “Time is my friend”. She sings of memories and that everything must end. Your post reminded me of how different time, or at least our perceptions of time, can move for those of us with mental illness.

  5. Pingback: To or Not To Tuesday: Week 6 | Container Chronicles

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