Disclaimer: When one has real clarity about goals and dreams, there really is no choice about whether or not to do something. And as I’ve gone through this feature for the last five weeks, that’s become clear. The very process of writing this post isn’t about making a decision as much as it is moving toward clarity.
Back in 2012/13, I did a year of keywords, including one on clarity. The photo at the left was my visual focus for clarity during the time I spent on that keyword. And the reality is that To or Not To Tuesday is more about finding my way back to clarity than it is about deciding about a particular idea or activity.
I may need to go back to keywords to help me find my way back to true clarity, but for now, I need to pose this week’s issue: To Admit the Problem or to NOT Admit the Problem, which could also be written conversely: To Ignore the Problem or to Not Ignore the Problem.
My depression has flared up, making it difficult for me to push ahead on the things I need and want to push ahead on. In a past post, I talked a bit about depression in relation to the way I handle time–which is the main way depression manifests itself aside from my mood. At the end of that post, I talked mostly about my relationship with time, but eventually, we got to the depression. I ended the post with an idea I had heard about a different perspective:
Somewhere along the way, several years ago, I read something about making friends with Depression, or at least, don’t spend so much time actively resisting it. I’m not quite so sure how I feel about that, but I do know that ignoring it isn’t the way to go. Maybe Time and I will need to give a little, and at least help Depression feel a little less like an outcast. Maybe a listening ear is just is needed. It’s worth a try.
Lately, I’ve felt like an outcast. There may be a few reasons for this, but it doesn’t matter. You see, when I admit to having this problem, I have people try to help me by telling me how much I have to be thankful for, as if I am blind to the good things in my life.
Two outcasts coming together doesn’t sound entirely like a great idea. Depression and I could team up and just get caught up in a cycle of hiding away from the world. While I tend to prefer to spend time alone or with just a close friend or two, I worry that staying in my own space with only another outcast as a companion is not a good plan.
Obviously, there is no decision to be made. I need to admit the problem has returned (again), find a way to face it, and NOT ignore it. And while the Christmas spirit is all around me, I have to accept the fact that I can see it, hear it, and enjoy it–even if I can’t feel it.