If We Were Having Coffee: The One That Almost Wasn’t

I haven’t done one of these since the end of June. I almost called this: The July Edition, but I think I do want to get back to doing this on some kind of schedule. So with any luck, there will be one more before the month ends, but no promises. So grab your cup of coffee, tea, or whatever strikes your fancy, and let’s get started.

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If we were having coffee,I’d tell you that . . .

. . . today, we finally have our new bedroom air conditioner! It was installed early this afternoon, and it’s already heavenly. I may have to move my computer and sewing machine in there for the duration of the summer. We’ll see.

If we were having coffee,I’d tell you that . . .

. . . I’m frustrated that I haven’t been having coffee with you lately. I would tell you that I have kept hoping I would find some motivation to care about things. I want to feel excited about something. I want to have something to look forward to.  I want to CARE about something, almost anything.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that . . .

. . . my blog is about the only activity keeping me connected to people at the moment. It is the only drive I feel, writing something every day, so that I feel that I am accomplishing something in spite of myself. I still get a few other things done, but it is not the whirlwind of productivity I thought I’d be involved in at this point.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that . . .

. . . I’ve just been invited to go the Yingge Ceramic Museum tomorrow. You can read the blog post from my first trip there in early 2013. I’d rather keep to myself tomorrow, but I think getting out in the world to do something that others consider fun might be good for me. Afterwards, we’re going to a coffee shop to do some zentangling and hanging out. With any luck, there will be photos.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that . . .

. . . things will eventually work themselves out, and I’ll be back to feeling like my normal optimistic self, but for now, I’m going to ride this out and look forward to our next coffee.

Finally, if we were having coffee, I’d tell you that . . .

. . . I really appreciate your willingness to have coffee with me even when I’m not all cheery and full of good news. Your friendship means the world to me.

A Coffee Date with Plate Spinner: Our Follow-up Conversation

This is Part 2 of an inner dialogue between me and Plate Spinner, the part of me that can’t seem to stop doing all the time. If you missed Part I of this “conversation,” you can find it here.

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ME:  Would you like a cup of coffee?

P.S.: I’d love one! I can’t remember the last time I could take a break and just relax for a few minutes. Nice choice of music by the way.

ME: Thanks! I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said yesterday, and I realize things need to change.

P.S. I’d like to jump up and down for joy, but I can’t. First, I don’t really have the energy with all the spinning I’ve been doing. And second, forgive me, but I’m just a tad cynical about you changing your ways.

ME: I know I don’t have a good track record. But I really do get it. I can prove it. I totally resisted an interesting plate earlier today.

P.S.: Yeah, but that’s nothing compared to the moratorium you took on last year, and that only lasted a few months before you started collecting plates again. Granted, some of them were smaller plates, but they still require lots of attention to keep them spinning.

ME:  OK, you’re right. Just a minute while I link the moratorium stuff here. Some of the people listening to our conversation won’t know what we’re talking about.

P.S.: I’m sure they will be as amused by it as I was.

ME: Oh, come on! Seriously, I want to make things better between us. But your attitude is getting in the way.

P.S.: All I know is that we are currently on semester break, and we can’t take a real break. We have so many plates still spinning that we have to fill these days with to-do lists and projects. I mean, look what it took just to get your attention so that we can have a cup of coffee and talk about this stuff.

ME: But if you’re going to argue with every idea I have, how can anything get better. I really want to change.

P.S.:  OK, I’ll play along for a moment. How is this time going to be any different from all the other times you said you would change? Are you going to retire a few of these plates?

ME: I think I could make a plan for that.

P.S.: Oh, great! Isn’t THAT encouraging? When you make plans for something, the plan itself becomes another plate to spin. Do you even know how many plates you have in the rotation?

ME: Of course . . . . not. Ok, ok, you make another valid point. But I realized something else this morning. As I was explaining my decision to Avis this morning not to take her up on the quilting thing, I told her that one of my big problems is that I think things will only take a few minutes, and that I can manage that . . . . .

P.S.: You mean that you figure I can manage another one of your shiny plates.

ME:  Well, yeah, . . . .  when you put it that way. And then of course, it finally dawned on me, that those few minutes multiplied by the number of plates and projects just makes things impossibly tiring!

P.S.: I’d like to believe you’ve seen the light, but you can’t blame me if I’m still a little skeptical. Do you realize that if we were just going to store these plates–never mind spinning them, we would need more cabinets than will fit into this apartment?

ME: OUCH! Don’t you think that’s a slight exaggeration?

P.S.: Sorry, truth hurts!

ME: OK, so a moratorium must be re-established and maintained. That’s obvious.

P.S.: It might be a step in the right direction, but it’s certainly not enough to make a real difference in the here and now.

ME: Well, you don’t want me to just sort and reorganize. You yourself said that would just be another project added to the huge pile we already had–the pile that I just accumulated without really thinking about the consequences.

P.S.: Look at it this way. I’m willing to accept as a starting premise that most of the plates need to be brought to completion. And I will also–for the moment–attempt to believe you won’t add any new ones.

ME:  I hear a “but . . .”

P.S.: I demand better working conditions! Have you looked around? It’s a disaster area around here. All of these plates have paperwork and paraphernalia attached to them. It’s a miracle I haven’t broken my neck!

ME: Well, I can’t argue with that. I find myself overwhelmed by all the clutter around here. I sometimes gather up the stuff I need for a project or two and head for the coffee shop just to have space to think and work.

P.S.: But that’s my point. YOU can leave! I can’t! It would take a moving van and a crew of at least four for me to go anywhere and still keep all of this going.

ME: Yes, the stuff has to go. That is clear. I don’t really need it all. Even with all of these crazy plates, there is still stuff here that has nothing to do with the plates that need to be finished. And I have to be honest. If stuff doesn’t go with any of the over-abundance of plates, it doesn’t belong.

P.S.: Right, and don’t forget. You’re planning to leave this place in 18 months. Couldn’t we have some breathing space while we wind down this spinning production?

ME: You’re totally right. Time to tackle this de-cluttering thing, once and for all!

P.S.: I know it’s a major change for you, but we can’t simply have all of this stuff. We can’t continue to DO all of this stuff.

ME: Well, why don’t I make an intention to de-clutter the apartment?

P.S.: I’d be more inclined to believe it if you make an intention card.*

ME:  You’re on! Let’s do this!

P.S.: OK, so what do you want?

ME: It seems pretty obvious. I want . . . we want more time and space in this life we share.

P.S.: And why do you want it?

ME: To get you off my back, of course!

P.S.: Very funny! Somehow, I don’t think that will motivate you in the long run. If you’re serious, you need to figure out what the payoff will be when this place is de-cluttered. What will you get?

ME: Well, just thinking about the place being de-cluttered helped me feel relaxed a bit. I don’t feel as stressed or as trapped. If I focus my attention on this intention and persevere in spite of the obstacles, I can enjoy life more. I can enjoy people more. I can be more, instead of simply doing more. I can discover what it is I really want from life, rather than spending all our energy on this plate spinning thing. The idea of not having to spend all of our energy just treading water is very freeing.

P.S.: OK, it seems like you might really want this. Of course, this is a huge project. So we have to be realistic.

ME:  Right. I need Intention, Attention, and Perseverance. I’m not crazy enough to say that I’ll do the whole apartment in the next two weeks. I want to work on it a bit every day, maybe even twice a day.

P.S.: Right, but don’t set yourself up. Let’s make an intention that is do-able, that gives us breathing space. If you do more than the minimum, that’s fine, but let’s make sure we find a workable minimum an commit to that.

ME:  I know. I just get excited about the possibility of space. But I didn’t get into this mess overnight, it’s not going away overnight or even in several overnights. I’d like to think I can make some strong headway by summer though.

P.S.: OK, let’s start with an hour three times a week.

ME:  OK, that seems reasonable. And I will schedule three times in the calendar right now. I will write it in for Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday.

P.S.: That sounds good, too. What else can you do to keep your attention on the intention?

ME: I’ll ask Dave to either help me, or to at least check in on me. I could find another person to check in with, too. Maybe even find someone else who is trying to de-clutter. We can check in and keep each other on track.

P.S.: And now, how will you reward yourself when you stay on track? And even more important, what will you do when things get in the way of following through? You need a plan for perseverance because you KNOW something will happen to pull you off track at some point.

ME: Oh yeah, I remember when I started the exercise program. If I hadn’t had a plan for perseverance, I wouldn’t have made it through the first two weeks.

PS: Right! and now you’re already in your third month. So what will you do to keep perseverance going for this intention?

ME: I think I would like to have some quilting time on Sunday for a reward. And if I haven’t met the goal of de-cluttering time for the week, I could do some on Sunday.

P.S.: I think this might just work.

ME:  I’ll think some more on it, and refine the intention card a bit. And while I’m at it, I’ll write an intention card for restarting the moratorium. I obviously need some attention and perseverance when it comes to that intention as well.

P.S.: Excellent! I feel better already. I’m really glad we had this little chat.

ME:  Haha!  Me, too. I think that might be another way to stay on track. Checking in with you on occasion.

P.S.: Put on the coffee and send the invite! I’ll be there!

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*For information on making and following through on intentions, see the following:

INTENTION IS POWERFUL:  http://farthertogo.com/2013/07/17/intention-is-powerful/

ATTENTION IS ESSENTIAL:  http://farthertogo.com/2013/07/19/attention-is-essential/

PERSEVERANCE IS MAGIC:  http://farthertogo.com/2013/07/21/perseverance-is-magic/

A Sweet Container

One of the hardest things above living overseas is missing my family and friends.

I feel fortunate that I can visit the US every summer and that Skype lets me see and talk to people almost as if I’m in the same room with them. While we all take this separation in stride, there are times when I really wish it were possible to physically be with the people I love more often than just during two months in the summer. On the bright side, at least my husband is with me now. The first two years that I was in Taiwan, he was still in the US. It’s great to be together again.

One of the most awesome things about living overseas is making friends who become a family in your new home.

As with any situation, living abroad has its share of ups and downs. Sometimes, I love what I’m doing here, and other times I feel frustrated and worn out. But there is a constant throughout my four plus years year–and that is the group of students who remind me in hundreds of ways why I came here in the first place. I will be sharing some student stories in future blog posts, but today I wanted to share something that happened earlier in the week.

Last Saturday was Teachers’ Day (the birthday of Confucius). On Monday morning, I walked into my cubicle in our research room and found a gift bag on my desk. Inside it was this box. Along with a note:

Dear Deborah,

This is a gift from Macaca, your student who graduated from the department of biotechnology two years ago. She asked me to bring you this sweet gift and wish you a good Teachers’ Day.

Best wishes!

Inside are some of the most beautiful chocolates I have ever seen in my life. This picture doesn’t do them justice! They are almost too pretty to eat!  I said ALMOST! So far, I’m still admiring them, but that won’t last forever. Look at these gorgeous beauties!

The most amazing part of this story is that Macaca, the student who sent these, was my student the very first year I was a teacher here. I haven’t been her teacher for three years, and yet she still remembers me on Teachers’ Day. I was so touched by her kind gesture.

Many other students have moved me over the years, and I plan to share some of their stories. My point is that the connections that I continue to build here sustain me in those moments where I long to be in my home country. But these students share their country with me and help me make it my home while I am with them.

591 days to 60!

600 Days to 60

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Several months back, I discovered a blog, 400 Days to 40. Even though I found the blog rather late in her 400 days, it got me to thinking that I might like to try something similar for my next milestone. So I calculated (and recalculated) to find the magical day on which I would launch my new blog, 600 days to 60.

When I first calculated the start date for this new blog, I was keeping a pretty good schedule with Container Chronicles. Until April, when things slowed down, and then lay dormant for four months. This month, I’ve finally resurrected the thing, but I think I need to stick with one blog for now and see how it goes. Also, I haven’t found exactly the right focus for this blog yet. I wander around, and I’ve decided that it’s ok to do that. After all, it is about the journey and not the destination. This blog can be a container for all kinds of ideas and explorations. So it seems to make sense to have multiple threads in just one blog and see where it goes from here.

I’ve decided that I’m not looking at this 600 days to 60 as a count-down, but rather a count-up! I want to think of these next 600 days as a journey to find the best version of me there is to find. It will be a process of excavation and checking the foundation, and finding new ways to create and decorate. It will be a time of new keywords and of intentions that challenge and revitalize me. A time of decluttering, revisioning, and finding clarity. My intention is that this journey allows me to find what is important and discard the rest as I move forward toward a life full of vibrant possibility.

The moment is now. 600 days to 60!

Related articles

http://400daystil40.wordpress.com/tag/writing/

My Recent Adventures with The Cat in the Hat

The Disappearing Blog Posts

The Cat in the Hat by Dr. Seuss, 1957 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

You may have noticed that I haven’t posted in more than two weeks. A few people asked me what was going on. I asked myself what was going on. How could something that I wanted and enjoyed disappear from my calendar? Unfortunately, it seemed to have devolved into just one more thing that showed up on my to-do list twice a week. And increasingly, it became one of the things that kept getting put aside.

Interestingly, the subtitle of this blog is TIME, SPACE, MONEY, THINGS.. This post is all about focusing on the THINGS part of it. And who better to start this literary journey than those endearing creatures from Dr. Seuss’s The Cat in the Hat—Thing 1 and Thing 2. Aren’t they just so cute? Wouldn’t it be fun to have around?

If you haven’t had the pleasure of reading this book or having it read to you, you’ve missed out. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard it and then read it as I was growing up and then with my own children after that. I think this summer, I may have to introduce Mr. Logan to The Cat. 

Story Time

Sally and her brother (who serves as the narrator) are left alone while their mother goes out for the afternoon, entrusting them to follow the rules. Because it is raining, they are indoors. They are bored as they sit in front of the window just looking outside at the rain.

That’s when the Cat in the Hat shows up. A rather insistent fellow, he’s not put off by our narrator’s recitation of his mother’s rules. He keeps insisting that they need to have fun and that there is lots of fun to be had even when it’s raining outside. Over the course of the next undetermined length of time, the CitH shows them a variety of activities that they can do, all of them threatening to mess up the house and get the the two children in trouble. Even the talking pet fish tries to get them to make the Cat go away, but the Cat isn’t budging.

As if the Cat in the Hat weren’t causing enough trouble on his own, he went outside to retrieve a box. When he opens it, out bound Thing 1 and Thing 2. These two appear to be on an unmitigated mission to create total mayhem. Their success can be measured by the increasing dismay you see on the two youngsters’ faces as they become increasingly worried about how their mother will respond to the mess upon her return.

I don’t want to spoil the ending, so I’ll stop there. The Wikipedia link above has the rest of the story if you can’t stand the suspense. If you have a child in your life (or maybe even if you don’t), you might want to invest in the book. If you like this story, you might want to pick up The Cat in the Hat Comes Back, too. I might have to pick up another copy. I’ll use Mr. Logan as an excuse.  <wink, wink!>

My Own Thing 1 and Thing 2

If you’re a follower of my blog, you may recall (Come on, it hasn’t been THAT long!) my struggle with an overwhelming series of projects and responsibilities. While I’ve made some minor progress in my attempts at clearing away the list of tasks, it takes a lot longer to get out from under the pile than it ever took to create it. I sometimes am not very productive. Or at least, not very productive in MY opinion.

The problem is that I tend to get overwhelmed, so that even when I have time to work on things, I don’t always take full advantage of it. I realized that there is a separate organization issue involved in making progress on these projects. It’s not about just time management, but thing management–the physical organization of stuff. If I motivate myself to work on a particular project but can’t find the pieces of paper and other paraphernalia I need, I am soon at a dead end. Reaching that point reminds me of how I would if the Cat in the Hat brought Thing 1 and Thing 2 to visit me. Except that in my case, I also have Thing 48, Thing 79, and Thing 6,350, and all of the Things in between (too numerous to mention by name). And while 2 of them look really cute, they lose their appeal long before 6,350.

Duh! It turns out that once there are that many things, it doesn’t matter if they’re ones I want to spend time with or I feel obligated to spend time with. There are just plain too many of them. I am overwhelmed by ALL of them, pleasurable or otherwise. It’s like stress and eustress. Good stress, bad stress: to our bodies, it’s all the same, and too much is too much. My containers in were overflowing in multiple categories.

Return of the Blog

Which brings me back to my blog. Every time I thought about getting back to it, there were so many loose ends, so many THINGS that I needed to resolve. How many two-part (or more) ideas had been left undone? I know that the blog benefits are that you can do things in any order you want. It’s MY blog. But I started feeling that my blog was being overrun by those hyperactive little Things threatening my sanity and my blog. I became immobilized. Overwhelmed by the sheer number of possibilities.

So I sort of lost sight of the clearing that I was working on through the winter season. But now, I’m back. In this moment of clarity, I can focus on eliminating the unnecessary clutter, and make room for what’s important. I will have access to what I need to work to on when a time slot is available. I can plot a course back to the clearing and begin to expand it. And meanwhile, I will be blogging again. I can also order those Dr. Seuss books for my summer visit with Mr. Logan.

See you next time!

Another Season: Another Keyword

Four Seasons

Four Seasons – Longbridge Road (Photo credit: joiseyshowaa)

Wednesday was the first day of spring, and in keeping with my commitment to seasonal keywords, I am ready to announce my choice for spring. The habit of using seasonal keywords has provided me with a way to visualize my short-term goals in an effort to free-up the future. I want to have more time for pursuing the things that give me meaning, but my schedule has been too hectic, a condition that is a direct result of a lack of awareness. If this practice and focus have done nothing else for me, they have shown me that I have been moving through my life on auto-pilot, responding to distractions without having a solid compass that leads me back to true north, or my authentic self.

For each season, I choose a keyword. Then I look for a visual representation that helps me keep these keyword in sight throughout the season. The picture for each season reminds me of my intention and keeps me focused on the spirit of the keyword. Interestingly, the process also leads from one season to another without a lot of thinking about what keyword is next. In other words, once I came up with the first keyword, the next ones have presented themselves with little conscious effort on my part.

Fall 2012

CLAMOR (photo credit: Gustave Miller)

When my friend recommended that I try this keyword thing, I struggled a little bit to find just the right keyword. Not that I was going for perfection–that’s not my thing. But I wanted something “worthy,” something that was worth focusing on for a whole season. However, I found myself in a state of confusion trying to figure out what keyword could possibly help me focus on what needed to be done. All of my responsibilities were so overwhelming that I felt I was simply rushing from one crisis to another. So whatever activity or project or deadline was clamoring the loudest got my attention. That was how clamor came to be the keyword for fall.

As I struggled to find some way through all of the intense activity and create some kind of path to make the future less chaotic, this picture helped focus my attention on making sense out of all the noise and confusion. I started recognizing how my lack of attention had contributed to my lack of understanding about how I was letting my whole life be hijacked by unexamined requests and projects. Still, I couldn’t just drop everything. So all the clamoring led me to the next season.

Winter 2012

Fall had taught me that I needed to be more aware, more intentional about what I did. By the time Winter was approaching, I knew that my keyword needed to be clearing. While I could not simply abandon the activities that filled my days and weeks, I knew I had to focus on finishing things up and clearing space for the new. The big difference, however, is that the new would not simply be whatever popped into my line of vision and grabbed my attention. The new had to be the things that would bring meaning to my life. Activities that would make it exciting to get up in the morning and would energize me.

I declared a moratorium on new activities and responsibilities, and tried to focus on completion. I did the moratorium for 30 days. I’ve officially renewed it once, and I’ve unofficially continued it into March. It may be time to tighten up the reins on that one and rededicate myself to it.

The winter keyword has been helpful, but still difficult because I don’t have a good sense of what is next. I’ve been so busy responding to all the distractions (disguised as opportunities) for so long that I don’t really know what I’m clearing for. This is partly explained by my personality type. It’s easier for me to let the needs and desires of others determine my path than for me to choose my own. Yet, I knew that the next step required that I find out what exactly will be meaningful to me, not just something that sounds interesting or something that I do for someone else’s definition of meaning.

Spring 2013

In my post about choice a few weeks ago, I discovered that when I’m clear about what is really important, the doing of the necessary tasks is not in question. I just do them. Even if they aren’t pleasant. It’s just what I do. As soon as the clarity is gone, as soon as I start thinking it’s time to choose what to do next, I get tangled up and accomplish very little. So my keyword for spring was simple: clarity.

Like the keyword for winter, this one came to me organically out of the experience of the previous season. By the time fall came to an end, I knew that clearing was important. Likewise, as spring approached, I knew that clarity was essential. The keyword of clarity is my attempt to create a sense of space and meaning in my life. To enjoy the day to day experiences of doing activities that reinforce that meaning. It can lead me to know what my next move is. If I have a strong inner compass and know who I am and what I want to create, I won’t be lost. I wilI stop choosing activities and responsibilities that have no connection to meaning. More importantly, I will stop simply responding to the multitude of diversions floating around me. I am looking for my center and will test new ideas and projects before giving them a home in my calendar.

The clearing isn’t finished, but as I continue the process, I now seek clarity as I take the time to know myself better and discover what kind of meaning I really want to create in my life. I have so much Farther to Go!

Related articles

• The Costs of Choosing (myriad234.wordpress.com)
• Reframe, Retreat, Renew (myriad234.wordpress.com)

The Busiest Week(s)

Finish Line Clock (Photo credit: deltaMike).

Last week and this week represent a significant milestone in my journey to the clearing. It is the time when everything comes crashing in; when–for these two weeks–all of the various projects collide. A special project involved nearly double my normal teaching load (but more about that a little later). Many projects had components that were due. The textbook project hit a huge snag that is out of my control.

So this is the time when it’s more important than ever to stay focused. To be mindful. To realize that it won’t be easy or pleasant, but it simply will be. And at the end of this week, there will be a few less obligations, at least comparatively speaking. I will regroup and seek a few moments of balance in spite of the fact that my prior obligations have brought me to a place where I’d prefer not to be. While some things are not very pleasant right now, I do enjoy much of what I’m doing. It’s just too much for these two weeks. The container is overflowing.

Students from Totorri University (Japan) with Mr. SKuirrel in Taiwan.

I will also remind myself to embrace the good things about what I’m doing. Even though I’m feeling rather overwhelmed at the moment, there are memories that will stay with me for a long time. In fact, I enjoy most of what I’m doing. For example, tomorrow, I say good-bye to a great bunch of students who have been visiting from Totorri University in Japan. In their three-week intensive English language program, I’ve had the privilege of teaching them Writing Skills. It was so rewarding to have 20 students who were not too sure about writing only three weeks ago, decide that it wasn’t so bad after all. The workload was intense, but I thoroughly enjoyed them, and I will miss them. We did start a Facebook group to keep in touch. Their enthusiasm and hard work reminded me why I’m teaching and why I sometimes take on extra projects. I’m so thrilled to have had this time with them.

Containers of Surprise (and Delight)

Invitations: Potential “Surprise” Holders

invitation (Photo credit: Theis Kofoed Hjorth)

This blog post was not planned. The photos and words are the result of a day of surprises. They arrived in an invitation, in a new day, in a museum, and in the art it held. The surprises actually began yesterday. My husband and I were already out on an outing with our friend, Steve–an outing of “Western” proportions, involving Costco, Starbucks, and IKEA. Luckily, Steve and Dave were going to hang out at Steve’s apartment between Costco and IKEA, which gave me time to get some work done at Starbucks. That was my compromise for taking an afternoon away, to get a couple hours of work done sometime during the day, and the guys didn’t mind.

While I was sipping my iced latte and working on a literature review, my cell phone rang. I was surprised to see it was my regular taxi driver, Mac, calling. Surprised because classes don’t start until next week, and I didn’t really expect to hear from him until then. But as he’s done in the past, he and his wife wanted to take Dave and me on an outing the next morning. The connection was awful and I couldn’t make out everything Mac was saying, but I did get that they would pick us up at 9:00 and something about the afternoon. If he gave me specifics about where we were going, I didn’t make them out.

A New Day: More Surprises

Taipei County Yingge Ceramics Museum (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I woke up thinking I probably should have declined the invitation and stayed home to get more work done, but the one thing my moratorium allows for is social events. The reason is I tend to hole up too often and not get out and do fun things. So I got ready, but wasn’t really looking forward to it. But my reluctance changed quickly to excitement when Mac greeted us with the plan for the morning. We got into his SUV (not the taxi) and headed to Yingge Ceramics Museum in New Taipei City. Dave did a lot of ceramics in college and I love anything in arts and crafts. In fact, this was a place on my “wish” list, and we were on our way! I was glad that I had not talked myself out of going.

Museums: Another Kind of “Surprise” Container

Three floors of exhibits and more out in the back of the main building. We did not get through everything in the 2 1/2 hours we spent there. Here’s a view of the open space from the third floor.

Beyond the amazing exhibits, there were loads of other surprises in this museum. For starters, admission is free! Not just on special days or at the holiday time, but always. Even the audio tour players and head sets were free. You left your ID card with them; you could punch in numbers at various exhibits to hear lots of details. They had the audio sets available in Chinese, Japanese, Korean, English, and one especially for children. There may have been others, but you get the idea.

Some of the exhibits were so delicate, I had to remind myself that they were ceramic. For example, this piece, Unread Books, looked so real that I could almost picture the pages turning.

Another piece I really enjoyed. The English title is something like, Look Up and See the Blue Sky.

And the kitty lover in me couldn’t resist the whimsical rendering of cats in the afternoon sun.

Surprises in Art

A huge kimono type garment hung in the museum. It was exquisite. It was clearly, decorative only. It’s hard to get a sense of the scale from this picture, but let’s just say that it was too large for any one to wear. The real surprise of this piece though are the thousands of ceramic butterflies sewn (or clipped) to the cloth. (No clear indication of how they are attached.)

Prepare to be amazed!

The sheer volume of these butterflies and the size of this piece of art are just breathtaking. The museum makes great use of lighting to highlight many of these pieces.

Another surprise was a piece with an English title, Sad Child with Short Wings. I’m not going to try to figure it out. But it was cool looking. Stands about 15 inches high. (In this photo, it appears a little bigger than life.)  hehe

My Personal Art Surprise

This piece had an English name of Dilemma. As I looked at it, I was baffled. People kneeling in a circle facing one another, holding their dismembered heads in their hands. Two of them had empty hands and one head was on the ground. I thought the dilemma pertained to some sick game of “Musical Heads” in which a head is taken away before they start the music back up, and that the dilemma was how to decide who leaves the game, or who no longer has a head. Like I say, I was baffled. You take a look! (The lighting for this piece makes it hard to get a good picture, but I think you get the idea.)

I turned to my husband and told him my insane “theory,” and he asked me if I had listened to the audio for it. I didn’t realize that one had an audio, so I was excited. He told me the number of that entry, #94. I don’t think I’ll ever forget. When you enter 9-4-Enter, you hear the story of this ceramic piece. Here’s the English version.

With no more strength to move forward, those people melt down. Each looked around and found that the others were in distress as well. They had no one to help them. When looking forward, they only saw a pitch black road that led to uncertainty. When looking backward, they found the road they just took had disappeared. So where to go and what to be? “That’s too painful. Could I not think about that?” they cried out! And they pulled off their heads.

WOW! And I thought MY interpretation was a little odd. I think desperation of that sort would go beyond “dilemma” to something more, well, desperate. I thought about the times I get frustrated and don’t know what to do next, but pulling my head off isn’t usually in the list of options. The words of the people, “That’s too painful. Could I not think about that?” was done with such a whiny tone, too. Once I heard this interpretation, I knew that I had to include it in tonight’s post. So let me know what you think about it in the comments below.

So that was our unplanned trip to the ceramics museum. Our hosts only had the morning for the outing, but Dave and I could have spent the day. We didn’t even get through all the exhibits and demonstrations. We are already looking forward to a trip back when we can spend the whole day. Dave already found out the museum is a ten-minute walk from the train station. I’m sure I’ll have more things to share. Until then, look up and enjoy the blue sky!  :

Reframe, Retreat, Renew

A Change of Plans

Packing away the sewing machine (Photo credit: Miia Ranta)

It’s Friday and no quilting took place yesterday or today. No quilting will take place next week either. In fact, I packed up my sewing machine and cutting boards. They are tucked away in a corner of my closet. I know I kept saying I needed a break. I know that I need some time for me.

Unfortunately, as a couple people pointed out in my last post, I had unintentionally attached too many expectations to this retreat. Worse, I had–dare I say it–turned it into one more job with its own set of pressures. I didn’t want to admit it at first, but thinking back on Logan’s quilt made it pretty clear. Two years ago, I had the fabric for his quilt, I found the pattern I wanted to adapt, and I had motivation. With those things in place, it worked. This time, although I was motivated, it wasn’t for the right reason. And I had no pattern in mind, no fabrics calling to me. I ended up trying to create an agenda for the retreat, a sure sign that I had lost sight of the purpose of the retreat. In fact, I had lost sight of my keyword for winter–clearing. 

Frames

Frames (Photo credit: Editor B)

Frames can contain many different items: pictures, mementos, diplomas, and other markers of significant events. Not everything that is framed is tangible. We also capture ideas, expectations, plans, and hopes for the future in frames that can’t be seen, but that can be quite powerful. I think that’s what happened to me with my quilting retreat. I got an idea in my head about how I could get back to quilting and give myself a break from the stress, and that frame was pretty set in my mind. It wasn’t until after I made the decision to NOT quilt, that I began to reframe my thoughts about what was really going on.

I began by reframing my week. After accepting the fact I wasn’t going to do the quilting retreat, trickles (read floods) from my current commitments went up. Four new ones on Thursday, what would have been the first day of the quilting retreat. A real verification that I made the right decision. However, my stress level still went up. It took me a couple hours to wrap my head around what was happening with the projects, but then I did make some progress toward regaining control of the day. I spent the rest of Thursday patching things together, just nothing that involved bright colors and fabric.

Retreats

The next thing I needed to reframe was my idea about retreats. This part is kind of crazy since I have lots of experience with retreats. A retreat is a good container, a dedicated time and place to explore art, personal growth, creativity, spirituality, journaling, or quilting. I’ve had good experiences with retreats, but something wasn’t right this time. Maybe it was just the timing, but I was beginning to think I had the wrong focus for what is going on in my life right now.

I reviewed the purpose of retreat for me:

1. To get away from everything and focus on what’s important; a time to renew, explore, refresh.
2. Get away from stress; a break from routine and habits; a chance to look inward and reassess; to rediscover my path..
3. Get away from distractions; a chance to focus and move forward on what is important. Set a course for the next steps.

A quilting retreat, in my current circumstances, would not have satisfied any of these for me. The results would have been a different kind of stress because I wasn’t focusing on what was important, and had made “relaxation” a job. Further, what I really need to focus on–away from distractions–is my my largest work project: the textbooks.

The Textbook Project

Disclaimer: Feel free to skip the next two paragraphs if you’d like. It would take away from the point of this post. However, I thought that since I keep mentioning it, I should give a little basic information about it for those who are curious.

One of the projects that moved up the list of priorities on Thursday involved the textbook project. I haven’t given many specifics here, so let me give you just a brief picture of what’s going on. I helped with a proposal to revamp our curriculum, which also meant producing 8 new textbooks (1 per semester for four years). The proposal also had other components, but the textbooks are the most demanding in terms of time and ongoing effort. I proposed a three-year timeline for implementation. The powers that be liked the ideas of the curriculum reform, but not the timeline. They want to implement this coming fall. So four books need to be to the printer at the beginning of the summer to be used in Fall 2013 and the others have to be done by December to be used in Spring 2014. I am the coordinator of this project which involves many things, including developing budgets and timelines.

I’ve completed two textbooks in the past, but only working on one at a time. Juggling the production schedule for the first four has been challenging, to say the least. It has taken a lot of adjustment and rethinking and revising to finally get the production timeline figured out. In the past, I only worked on one book at a time, so juggling the production schedule for 4 books at first and now 8 books has been challenging and stressful. I had to re-do the timeline for the first four books, to make some adjustments. Then I had to do another timeline for the second semester books. Suddenly, the project became more manageable. I could see that once I work through a few of the remaining snags for the first set, the second set will be much easier. All the set-up and planning activities will already be done. Having the layout and the basic plans set up frees up a lot of time

Reframing – Part II

So I will have a retreat next week, but it will be a retreat that focuses on the textbook project. This time I have the materials, I have the tasks, I have the motivation. Not quite a quilt, but a project that will benefit from the dedicated time and place to work on it. The textbook retreat idea finally takes away a lot of the stress and focuses my energy on moving forward rather than putting it off while I quilt without passion. Because my passion is tied up in moving these books forward. If I spend two days with the books as my focus, I can really make some significant progress, and move more toward the clearing that is really what my intention is.

Renewing the Moratorium

My 30 day moratorium on new work responsibilities ended on the 28th of January. Today is February 1, and I am renewing the moratorium for the rest of the month. I hope to make it a monthly commitment, but I will do it one month at a time. I have to say that I was surprised how full my days and weeks have been in spite of the moratorium. Even though I added nothing new, the obligations already in place continue to fill up my time. I am making some progress toward finishing a few things, and that will continue. The textbook retreat will also help..

Although I’m renewing the moratorium in terms of new responsibilities, I am instituting a daily “play” requirement. Before you think that I’m turning play into another responsibility, let me assure you that this is merely a mindfulness technique. In the past I had a play journal to remind myself to do something fun, something playful, even if it was just for five or ten minutes a day. I think part of the mistake of the quilting retreat was that I was forgetting that I don’t need a huge chunk of time to feel renewed. I can incorporate smaller quilting activities until a project actually grabs me.A regular infusion of playfulness, even small ones, can go a long way.

For me, play can be as simple as looking at quilting patterns, looking at pictures of quilts others have made, taking a puzzle book to a coffee shop, watching something on TV, or doing pleasure reading. Sad as it is to say, most of these things have vanished from my life lately. Rather than try to grab a two-day chunk of time, I will make a habit of noticing the small moments that bring me joy and kindle the sparks that could lead to a creative project that will tell me when it’s time to make a retreat.

Quilting Retreat: Planning or Resisting?

To Quilt or Not To Quilt

Antique Quilts (Photo credit: Quiltsalad)

It was only a few weeks ago, when I was getting ready to pack up my quilting and accept the fact that I simply didn’t have time for it in my life right now. And as I wrote that post on new year’s day, it came to me that packing up my quilting stuff to eliminate the constant pressure of NOT getting to it, didn’t mean that I had to give it up entirely. I just needed to “contain” it, by giving it some pockets of time. That way, I could still look forward to enjoying some quilting time, but not feel frustrated by seeing everything out on a day-to day basis. Some quilting time would definitely be better than no quilting time. Right?

So I set up a couple of days during this semester break for a personal quilting retreat. This is self-directed. No one expecting me to show up somewhere at a specified time. No retreat leader or other participants to wonder where I am if I don’t show up. I only have to show up to the cutting table and the sewing machine on Thursday morning–36 hours from now.

But I have mixed feelings it. While I’d like to get back to quilting, I feel like the three writing projects, along with the textbook project, are all pushing on me–deadlines looming. And while these deadlines are real, my willingness to abandon a play-date with quilting without a fight seems a little suspicious. In fact, now that I think about it, even though I originally protested the idea of packing up my quilting stuff (and just getting it out for just such planned occasions), packing it up turned out not to be that big a deal. So what to I want? To think about quilting? Or do I want to quilt? Something is definitely going on.

My first clue came about a week ago, I was looking at my fabric stash, arranged in cubbies behind my work desk. Whenever I’m working on my teaching or writing projects, I can just turn in my chair and see the colorful fabrics behind me. I love looking at the colors and dreaming about the possibilities of the quilts that could be created with these fabrics. But on this particular day a week ago, I had a surprising thought about my fabric stash.

I’m not really sure I want to cut into my stash!

What?! Isn’t that what a fabric stash is for? Since it’s impossible to quilt without using some fabric—presumably from my stash, I needed to explore where that thought was coming from. I took a new journal that I had been saving for something “special,” and I headed to my neighborhood coffee shop to do some exploratory writing.

Quilting Memories

I started by thinking about how focused I had been on putting together Logan’s quilt top during the semester break last year–wait TWO years ago! Of course, I already knew about this time difference before writing the post, but this was a major discovery in my journal. How I thought that it had just been a year since the last time I had done some serious quilting, but it’s already been two years. In other words, when I first made the decision to bring my quilting to Taiwan and picked up some fabric, it was for Logan’s quilt. I put it together a few months later, and with a few minor exceptions, that’s been it. What a wake-up call!

Another discovery from my journal was my inability to settle on a project. I am looking at ideas now, but I was reminded that my last couple quilting times were less than satisfying. First, I was inspired to try some techniques I found in Rule-Breaking Quilts by Kathryn Schmidt. While I really enjoy the quilts in the book, my attempts haven’t been too exciting thus far.  My expectations might be too high. Or I may have just given up too soon. My time was limited after all. If I give it another go, and just RELAX about it, maybe it will be more satisfying.

The second project I tried recently involved a set of 18 pinwheel blocks that I made years ago. This is me with one of the pinwheel blocks on my last fabric-finding mission. A couple of months ago, I had pressed all of these blocks, FINALLY squared them off, and was going to finish piecing the last few odds and ends I had. But I couldn’t get my seams to line up. I couldn’t find my seam ripper. I was trying to hard to make time for quilting; almost like crossing it off my to-do list, rather than just enjoying the experience. Plus, I can’t decide what to do with them next. I have started to look at a few pattern ideas, and maybe I’ll actually take the plunge and just enjoy the moment.

I’m noticing a theme here, one that showed up in my journal in a startling way. I started the journal to explore why I was reluctant to cut into my stash. Why do I hoard and collect fabric and color only to hesitate to cut into it? What is the point of a stash that won’t give way to creation? And here’s what I wrote:

Maybe it’s not breaking-up the collection as much as the fear of doing something that isn’t good enough! Good enough for whom? Wow! Who am I trying to impress?

Quilting is a hobby, a break from the stress. I need to stop building pressure into it. Who wouldn’t want to avoid two days of evaluative play time? How can I enjoy myself if I have hidden agendas about what it means and what the results should be? I don’t plan to teach quilting. I’m not planning to enter contests. It’s just supposed to be fun?

Am I resisting fun?

There was a time in my life, before going to graduate school when I made a point of taking a fun break every week. It might be a day to go look at fabric, or a museum, breakfast out, and coffee, meet with a friend. Spend time on crafts. Try new recipes! Read a book! There were lots of choices. I even kept a journal about the ways to keep fun in my life. Go back to the past when I intentionally included fun in my life. I’ve gotten too far away from it. Fun has become expendable.

I feel so stressed at the moment, that I feel like I want to get more of a handle on things before the retreat. I think if I plan play with the idea a little bit more, taking a few minutes each day for the next week, I might enjoy it more. I can find patterns and fabrics I want to explore. I can take a little more time to write about what I want to try. I can focus on process instead of product, and exorcise some of the crazy anxiety that I seem to have about somehow “doing it right,” whatever that means.

If you’ll excuse the pun,it becomes important to “patch” up my relationship with quilting. I have many good memories associated with it. It’s time to recapture those, and figure out where all this negativity is coming from. I have left quilting behind several times, and it always draws me back. Now that I’ve made these discoveries, another week might allow me to approach the quilting retreat with a more playful attitude. I can take time to determine what quilting activities I want to do, what fabrics I want to use, look through patterns. Get a little more self-directing about what will happen while still maintaining the fun and spontaneity. The last thing I need right now is one more thing on my to-do list. That is not the role I want quilting to have in my life.

Anyone want to cast their vote or opinion into the mix? Am I just putting off my quilting yet again, or is it a good idea to “retreat” and regroup for a more thought-out experience. Perhaps an oxymoron.

Stay tuned to Friday’s post to find out what I decide.  🙂

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