Farther to Go!: AtoZ April Challenge

I have known for a couple of weeks now that my post for the letter F would be about Farther to Go! The “brainchild” of Joycelyn Campbell, the big idea of Farther to Go! is that we can “learn how to use our brains instead of our brains using us.” She has developed a variety of materials, techniques, and courses that combine the best of what neuroscience has to offer about habits, consciousness, and creativity. It is impossible for me to do it justice in one blog post. It’s really important to check it out for yourself at her website: http://farthertogo.com.

I thought that maybe the best way to give you an idea of what is possible with Farther to Go! is to just make a (partial) list of how Joycelyn’s synthesis of neuroscience, habit, and story is changing my life. In no particular order, I offer my list: Ten ways that Farther to Go! has changed my life.

 

1. I now view interruptions in a different way. I don’t let them hijack me emotionally. Rather, I see them as opportunities to renew my focus.
2.  I look at my depression differently. I have learned to THINK about it differently, and that’s made a world of difference.
3. Related to #2: After more than twenty years on anti-depressants and several unsuccessful attempts to taper off of them, I am now medication free. (If this were the only benefit of Farther to Go!, I’d be sold, but it’s only the beginning.)
4. I intentionally develop habits that allow me to free up the conscious part of my brain for more important tasks.
5. For the first time in my life, I am maintaining an exercise program that works for me. I’ve learned a technique from Farther to Go!, involving IAP (Intention, Attention, and Perseverance), and it has made a huge difference in my life.
6. I have learned that I have a story about everything in my life. It’s normal. We’re wired for story. Knowing about how the brain constructs stories helps me see my life differently.
7. I’ve learned it’s possible to create my stories instead of just letting stories happen to me.
8. I have rediscovered the part of me that can make things happen. She is now the protagonist of the stories I will write create that will lead me to the life I want.
9. I have an opening scene for a story in which the protagonist (the part of me that can make things happen) is poised for action to get what she wants.
10. I now view life from a “get better” rather than a “good” mindset. With that mindset, I can try anything, because I don’t have to be good at it, I just have to be willing to get better.

Don’t get me wrong. I have a lot farther to go, but the changes I see in my life keep me going in the midst of setbacks and frustration. Stay tuned to find out what my newly resurrected protagonist takes on in her upcoming adventures. Almost anything is possible when I start using my brain, instead of letting it use me.

A Coffee Date with Plate Spinner: Our Follow-up Conversation

This is Part 2 of an inner dialogue between me and Plate Spinner, the part of me that can’t seem to stop doing all the time. If you missed Part I of this “conversation,” you can find it here.

________________________________

ME:  Would you like a cup of coffee?

P.S.: I’d love one! I can’t remember the last time I could take a break and just relax for a few minutes. Nice choice of music by the way.

ME: Thanks! I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said yesterday, and I realize things need to change.

P.S. I’d like to jump up and down for joy, but I can’t. First, I don’t really have the energy with all the spinning I’ve been doing. And second, forgive me, but I’m just a tad cynical about you changing your ways.

ME: I know I don’t have a good track record. But I really do get it. I can prove it. I totally resisted an interesting plate earlier today.

P.S.: Yeah, but that’s nothing compared to the moratorium you took on last year, and that only lasted a few months before you started collecting plates again. Granted, some of them were smaller plates, but they still require lots of attention to keep them spinning.

ME:  OK, you’re right. Just a minute while I link the moratorium stuff here. Some of the people listening to our conversation won’t know what we’re talking about.

P.S.: I’m sure they will be as amused by it as I was.

ME: Oh, come on! Seriously, I want to make things better between us. But your attitude is getting in the way.

P.S.: All I know is that we are currently on semester break, and we can’t take a real break. We have so many plates still spinning that we have to fill these days with to-do lists and projects. I mean, look what it took just to get your attention so that we can have a cup of coffee and talk about this stuff.

ME: But if you’re going to argue with every idea I have, how can anything get better. I really want to change.

P.S.:  OK, I’ll play along for a moment. How is this time going to be any different from all the other times you said you would change? Are you going to retire a few of these plates?

ME: I think I could make a plan for that.

P.S.: Oh, great! Isn’t THAT encouraging? When you make plans for something, the plan itself becomes another plate to spin. Do you even know how many plates you have in the rotation?

ME: Of course . . . . not. Ok, ok, you make another valid point. But I realized something else this morning. As I was explaining my decision to Avis this morning not to take her up on the quilting thing, I told her that one of my big problems is that I think things will only take a few minutes, and that I can manage that . . . . .

P.S.: You mean that you figure I can manage another one of your shiny plates.

ME:  Well, yeah, . . . .  when you put it that way. And then of course, it finally dawned on me, that those few minutes multiplied by the number of plates and projects just makes things impossibly tiring!

P.S.: I’d like to believe you’ve seen the light, but you can’t blame me if I’m still a little skeptical. Do you realize that if we were just going to store these plates–never mind spinning them, we would need more cabinets than will fit into this apartment?

ME: OUCH! Don’t you think that’s a slight exaggeration?

P.S.: Sorry, truth hurts!

ME: OK, so a moratorium must be re-established and maintained. That’s obvious.

P.S.: It might be a step in the right direction, but it’s certainly not enough to make a real difference in the here and now.

ME: Well, you don’t want me to just sort and reorganize. You yourself said that would just be another project added to the huge pile we already had–the pile that I just accumulated without really thinking about the consequences.

P.S.: Look at it this way. I’m willing to accept as a starting premise that most of the plates need to be brought to completion. And I will also–for the moment–attempt to believe you won’t add any new ones.

ME:  I hear a “but . . .”

P.S.: I demand better working conditions! Have you looked around? It’s a disaster area around here. All of these plates have paperwork and paraphernalia attached to them. It’s a miracle I haven’t broken my neck!

ME: Well, I can’t argue with that. I find myself overwhelmed by all the clutter around here. I sometimes gather up the stuff I need for a project or two and head for the coffee shop just to have space to think and work.

P.S.: But that’s my point. YOU can leave! I can’t! It would take a moving van and a crew of at least four for me to go anywhere and still keep all of this going.

ME: Yes, the stuff has to go. That is clear. I don’t really need it all. Even with all of these crazy plates, there is still stuff here that has nothing to do with the plates that need to be finished. And I have to be honest. If stuff doesn’t go with any of the over-abundance of plates, it doesn’t belong.

P.S.: Right, and don’t forget. You’re planning to leave this place in 18 months. Couldn’t we have some breathing space while we wind down this spinning production?

ME: You’re totally right. Time to tackle this de-cluttering thing, once and for all!

P.S.: I know it’s a major change for you, but we can’t simply have all of this stuff. We can’t continue to DO all of this stuff.

ME: Well, why don’t I make an intention to de-clutter the apartment?

P.S.: I’d be more inclined to believe it if you make an intention card.*

ME:  You’re on! Let’s do this!

P.S.: OK, so what do you want?

ME: It seems pretty obvious. I want . . . we want more time and space in this life we share.

P.S.: And why do you want it?

ME: To get you off my back, of course!

P.S.: Very funny! Somehow, I don’t think that will motivate you in the long run. If you’re serious, you need to figure out what the payoff will be when this place is de-cluttered. What will you get?

ME: Well, just thinking about the place being de-cluttered helped me feel relaxed a bit. I don’t feel as stressed or as trapped. If I focus my attention on this intention and persevere in spite of the obstacles, I can enjoy life more. I can enjoy people more. I can be more, instead of simply doing more. I can discover what it is I really want from life, rather than spending all our energy on this plate spinning thing. The idea of not having to spend all of our energy just treading water is very freeing.

P.S.: OK, it seems like you might really want this. Of course, this is a huge project. So we have to be realistic.

ME:  Right. I need Intention, Attention, and Perseverance. I’m not crazy enough to say that I’ll do the whole apartment in the next two weeks. I want to work on it a bit every day, maybe even twice a day.

P.S.: Right, but don’t set yourself up. Let’s make an intention that is do-able, that gives us breathing space. If you do more than the minimum, that’s fine, but let’s make sure we find a workable minimum an commit to that.

ME:  I know. I just get excited about the possibility of space. But I didn’t get into this mess overnight, it’s not going away overnight or even in several overnights. I’d like to think I can make some strong headway by summer though.

P.S.: OK, let’s start with an hour three times a week.

ME:  OK, that seems reasonable. And I will schedule three times in the calendar right now. I will write it in for Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday.

P.S.: That sounds good, too. What else can you do to keep your attention on the intention?

ME: I’ll ask Dave to either help me, or to at least check in on me. I could find another person to check in with, too. Maybe even find someone else who is trying to de-clutter. We can check in and keep each other on track.

P.S.: And now, how will you reward yourself when you stay on track? And even more important, what will you do when things get in the way of following through? You need a plan for perseverance because you KNOW something will happen to pull you off track at some point.

ME: Oh yeah, I remember when I started the exercise program. If I hadn’t had a plan for perseverance, I wouldn’t have made it through the first two weeks.

PS: Right! and now you’re already in your third month. So what will you do to keep perseverance going for this intention?

ME: I think I would like to have some quilting time on Sunday for a reward. And if I haven’t met the goal of de-cluttering time for the week, I could do some on Sunday.

P.S.: I think this might just work.

ME:  I’ll think some more on it, and refine the intention card a bit. And while I’m at it, I’ll write an intention card for restarting the moratorium. I obviously need some attention and perseverance when it comes to that intention as well.

P.S.: Excellent! I feel better already. I’m really glad we had this little chat.

ME:  Haha!  Me, too. I think that might be another way to stay on track. Checking in with you on occasion.

P.S.: Put on the coffee and send the invite! I’ll be there!

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*For information on making and following through on intentions, see the following:

INTENTION IS POWERFUL:  http://farthertogo.com/2013/07/17/intention-is-powerful/

ATTENTION IS ESSENTIAL:  http://farthertogo.com/2013/07/19/attention-is-essential/

PERSEVERANCE IS MAGIC:  http://farthertogo.com/2013/07/21/perseverance-is-magic/

Follow Your Bliss, Find Your Passion, and Other Misguided Advice

I have much to say about this. I will be writing the first part of my response tomorrow. Check back to see my first stab at my big picture!

10:23 pm on 12/06/2013

(Photo credit: jefito)

Have you ever wondered what you really wanted? Have you ever really defined it? Or dared to admit it to anyone, even yourself? Or do you, like me (and probably many others), avoid the question or answer it superficially. In this post from Farther to Go!, there is an exercise that asks you to answer that question every day for 30 days.

I started about three weeks ago. I can’t tell you exactly without digging out the notebook I was using. I wasn’t using cards as suggested in the exercise–not at first. I am now. I’m doing several things differently now.

On Friday (12/6/13), I realized that the exercise wasn’t going very well for me–for reasons I will share below. But, the bottom line is that I decided that day that I would start over, and change the things that weren’t working. So that evening, at about 10:00, I filled out my first card for the new 30-day period. And afterwards, I had a breakthrough.

It may not have been exactly 10:23, but I suddenly understood with complete clarity that I could no longer settle for mediocrity. I had to think about what I want without limits, especially the limits I put on myself. Thinking that I can possibly know what’s best, or what’s practical, or what’s feasible, or–most importantly–what’s possible. My life to this point is full of experiences that would have seemed impossible by any standards and yet I’m here, living this crazy life that couldn’t have been imagined prior to living it. I realized that the starting over was important, that by changing the way I approached the process of exploring what I wanted, I would be more effective, and more free–I could imagine even impossibilities. Up to the point of starting over, four basic things were getting in my way of making the most of this exercise.

1. Sometimes, I’d miss a day because I didn’t set an intention for writing in the notebook. If I had it would be on my daily list, and it wasn’t. I thought I could remember something as simple as adding a few lines to my notebook each day. (I know better than this!) To learn more about the power of intentions, look here. Further, the routine itself has an effect on what emerges. If I get in the habit of making the list each day, the pump is primed when I sit down to fill out the card..
2. I started by using a notebook for making my lists, instead of the 4 x 6 index cards suggested in the activity. I didn’t realize it at the time (obviously), but it really makes a difference to have a confined space with a specific amount of lines for each day. Even if I had used the index cards, I suspect I wouldn’t have written something on every line. Many of my lists in the notebook wouldn’t have been long enough to put something on each line of a card. I took the “easy” way out, If no more ideas were immediately accessible, I stopped writing. Using a notebook made it easy to fall into that trap, so using the index cards is a much better method–for me at least. No stopping until I actually have something on every line. This problem is also related to the next one.
3. I was approaching my list-making from a place of practicality. I knew on an intellectual basis not to do that, to let my mind go and to explore the possibilities in spite of the reasons for censoring. And while I KNEW that the sky was the limit, my lists had become rather dull and lifeless. At first, I wasn’t sure what had happened, and then I realized something that put a lot of things into perspective. I had fallen back into moving through my days and activities on autopilot. From there, it was more than a slippery slope to falling into old habits: it was a free fall into a pit of mediocrity.
4. I needed to re-commit to paying attention, to being mindful of the process, and not just make the listing another thing to check off. Yes, it’s important to schedule it to make sure it happens, but the actual process has to be more mindful than that.

(Photo credit: koalazymonkey)

So on Friday, I dusted myself off and began again with 30 4 x 6 cards, a clear intention, and a plan. I can already see and feel a difference. Each of these cards is completed in just a few moments, but the impact isn’t limited to the immediate moment. Wherever this path leads me, I know that my life will be different because I dared to answer the question of what I really want. As I write this post on Sunday, I just finished my 3rd card, and I am excited about the possibilities that are showing up. Now when I finish a card, I’m smiling. I have gone beyond the intellectual grasp of the concept back to an experience of reimagining my life. I can’t wait to see where this path leads.

If you’ve never thought about what you really want (or even if you have), I recommend this exercise. It only takes a few minutes a day, but the results may change the way you think about what’s possible.

Related articles:

http://randeebergen.wordpress.com/2013/12/04/a-moment-in-time-1023-p-m-on-12613/

http://farthertogo.com/2013/11/11/what-do-you-want-2/

https://myriad234.wordpress.com/2013/09/19/reimagining-my-life/

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A Moment in Time is a shared blogging experience, where writers document and share their stories from the same moment on the same day. The day and time for the next A Moment in Time is posted by Randee every few days in such a way that you’ll have a heads up on the exact moment to which you need to attend and focus on and, if it’s significant in some way, write about and add to the list.

Best Moment Award

Thank you to Shaun at http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com for this award.

Seven Random things about myself: 

1. I have four adult children, two in Michigan, two in Florida. I love the moments I’ve had with them. While I saw everyone last summer, it’s been several years since we’ve all been together at the same time. Eight years, I believe. One of the reason why moments are so important.

2. Even though we have our rescue chihuahua, I am actually a cat person. There is something about spending time with an animal that is rewarding in a different way than spending time with people.

3. I took ballet lessons as a child. Then took a semester worth of ballet classes twice as an adult. Lately, I’ve come to realize that those are some of the moments I miss most, that sense of movement and expression that dance brings.

4. While growing up, my parents took our family camping throughout parts of Michigan and Canada. I liked the trails and paths through parks and forests. I sometimes took a notebook along with me, so I could sit in nature and write for a few minutes.

5. I didn’t start playing the piano until 5th grade, but I took to it like a fish to water. I sometimes miss it now that I’m in Taiwan and don’t really have the time to incorporate it, but I have many good memories of it, and I’ve shifted my area of creative expression to other areas, primarily my renewed intention to start quilting again.

6. I am learning a lot from the process of observing myself and changing the way I think about things. While I still have many thing to do, I’m feeling that I am directing the traffic and not letting the list overwhelm me. I thank my friend, Joycelyn, at Farther to Go! for helping me discover that intentions and perseverance are magical.

7. As a result of number six, I’m becoming much more aware of moments and making a point of treasuring them.

Now nominate five blogs: 

1. http://talkingexperience.wordpress.com/

2. http://sincerelykaterz.wordpress.com/

3. http://stephsscribe.com/

4. http://myoutlookinlife.wordpress.com/

5. http://craftinginportugal.wordpress.com/

Thanks again, Shaun! And congratulations to the five above! I hope you can all accept!  :-).

Another Season: Another Keyword

Four Seasons

Four Seasons – Longbridge Road (Photo credit: joiseyshowaa)

Wednesday was the first day of spring, and in keeping with my commitment to seasonal keywords, I am ready to announce my choice for spring. The habit of using seasonal keywords has provided me with a way to visualize my short-term goals in an effort to free-up the future. I want to have more time for pursuing the things that give me meaning, but my schedule has been too hectic, a condition that is a direct result of a lack of awareness. If this practice and focus have done nothing else for me, they have shown me that I have been moving through my life on auto-pilot, responding to distractions without having a solid compass that leads me back to true north, or my authentic self.

For each season, I choose a keyword. Then I look for a visual representation that helps me keep these keyword in sight throughout the season. The picture for each season reminds me of my intention and keeps me focused on the spirit of the keyword. Interestingly, the process also leads from one season to another without a lot of thinking about what keyword is next. In other words, once I came up with the first keyword, the next ones have presented themselves with little conscious effort on my part.

Fall 2012

CLAMOR (photo credit: Gustave Miller)

When my friend recommended that I try this keyword thing, I struggled a little bit to find just the right keyword. Not that I was going for perfection–that’s not my thing. But I wanted something “worthy,” something that was worth focusing on for a whole season. However, I found myself in a state of confusion trying to figure out what keyword could possibly help me focus on what needed to be done. All of my responsibilities were so overwhelming that I felt I was simply rushing from one crisis to another. So whatever activity or project or deadline was clamoring the loudest got my attention. That was how clamor came to be the keyword for fall.

As I struggled to find some way through all of the intense activity and create some kind of path to make the future less chaotic, this picture helped focus my attention on making sense out of all the noise and confusion. I started recognizing how my lack of attention had contributed to my lack of understanding about how I was letting my whole life be hijacked by unexamined requests and projects. Still, I couldn’t just drop everything. So all the clamoring led me to the next season.

Winter 2012

Fall had taught me that I needed to be more aware, more intentional about what I did. By the time Winter was approaching, I knew that my keyword needed to be clearing. While I could not simply abandon the activities that filled my days and weeks, I knew I had to focus on finishing things up and clearing space for the new. The big difference, however, is that the new would not simply be whatever popped into my line of vision and grabbed my attention. The new had to be the things that would bring meaning to my life. Activities that would make it exciting to get up in the morning and would energize me.

I declared a moratorium on new activities and responsibilities, and tried to focus on completion. I did the moratorium for 30 days. I’ve officially renewed it once, and I’ve unofficially continued it into March. It may be time to tighten up the reins on that one and rededicate myself to it.

The winter keyword has been helpful, but still difficult because I don’t have a good sense of what is next. I’ve been so busy responding to all the distractions (disguised as opportunities) for so long that I don’t really know what I’m clearing for. This is partly explained by my personality type. It’s easier for me to let the needs and desires of others determine my path than for me to choose my own. Yet, I knew that the next step required that I find out what exactly will be meaningful to me, not just something that sounds interesting or something that I do for someone else’s definition of meaning.

Spring 2013

In my post about choice a few weeks ago, I discovered that when I’m clear about what is really important, the doing of the necessary tasks is not in question. I just do them. Even if they aren’t pleasant. It’s just what I do. As soon as the clarity is gone, as soon as I start thinking it’s time to choose what to do next, I get tangled up and accomplish very little. So my keyword for spring was simple: clarity.

Like the keyword for winter, this one came to me organically out of the experience of the previous season. By the time fall came to an end, I knew that clearing was important. Likewise, as spring approached, I knew that clarity was essential. The keyword of clarity is my attempt to create a sense of space and meaning in my life. To enjoy the day to day experiences of doing activities that reinforce that meaning. It can lead me to know what my next move is. If I have a strong inner compass and know who I am and what I want to create, I won’t be lost. I wilI stop choosing activities and responsibilities that have no connection to meaning. More importantly, I will stop simply responding to the multitude of diversions floating around me. I am looking for my center and will test new ideas and projects before giving them a home in my calendar.

The clearing isn’t finished, but as I continue the process, I now seek clarity as I take the time to know myself better and discover what kind of meaning I really want to create in my life. I have so much Farther to Go!

Related articles

• The Costs of Choosing (myriad234.wordpress.com)
• Reframe, Retreat, Renew (myriad234.wordpress.com)